How to drive your waiter crazy on CNN

When it’s written on CNN it’s true. So read this very carefully!

Many people wouldn’t last a day in a server’s non-slip shoes.

Refilling glasses, balancing trays and clearing dirty plates with a smile can be taxing. But the prospect of a 15 percent to 20 percent tip at the end of the meal is the reason waiters work so hard.

read further at How to drive your waiter crazy at CNN.com. (read also the comments!)

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You know you’re a crazy waiter when… (part 2)

  • you gave up dance lessons after 4 evenings because you were always called to work… please… please… please
  • you can’t hear please… please… please…. any more. Anyway, your cellphone is turned of at your days off
  • you know all the ‘can eat and can’t eat’-rules belonging to allergies, philosophies and and religions
  • you’re pouring the water at home also with the movement like you do with bottles of red wine to avoid stains
  • people at the McDonalds start talking to you for a menu advice (and the employees ask to translate for them because they don’t understand a word English, German, Italian or Spanish at all)
  • you judge restaurant workers in other restaurants with an 300-item check-list
  • you’re going to the university library for scientific research about (hospitality) (service) quality (when you want a CD-ROM, don’t hesitate)
  • you ask to the busboy (the person who is clearing and setting up the tables) your table number, so you can pay yourself at the central cashier)
  • you are jumping up when a bell sounds (which says there’s something to take in the kitchen)
  • you ask yourself at four a clock in the night after going out which wine is suitable for the cheesburger
  • You don’t say simply ‘yes’ but ‘oui chef oui’, or ‘ten four
  • your funniest stories start with: “Last night I had a table…” (*)
  • you favorite day to get hammered is Monday. (*)
  • you wear your uniform (including apron) to work. If you do you’re really NUTS;) (*)
  • you’re making stupid lists at 4 o clock in the night

(Part one is here | (*) Thanks to Greygoose |  image (c) vobes.com, used with permission)

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Worthless Waiter!

I’m a worthless Waiter because:

  • without any doubt I put two cups of tea (€ 5,40 each) on the bill when somebody asks for a glass of hot water (twice of course) to use her own top of the bill tea
  • I say almost ‘shut up’ to the Big Brother (8 years old) when the Lovely Little Sister (4 years old) doesn’t dare to anwer when I ask how old she is and what she wants to drink
  • I understand and speak 4, 5 or even 6 languages (depending how you define ‘speak’) but no one perfect, even my mother tongue is getting worse
  • people have to wait when four tables want to pay and four tables arrive at the same moment. And I’m not even having small talk in this situation!
  • I forget the little presents which we have to give to the kids
  • I don’t clear the table when such called travelling-around-people sign with there finger to their empty plate  to say they have finished eating without saying a word. Pff, I’m understanding at least six languages, you bet that they speak one of it
  • I don’t cover the table with napkins, sweets and roses when there’s a famous person or a royal family member (nevertheless unfindable at Wikipedia) is coming… everybody is VIP!
  • I neglect people without any pain when they are wavering or shout Hi!.
  • I’m whistling and singing always in the restaurant. And believe me, I don’t have the X-factor!
  • I always forget to ask whether the guests want an aperitif at the beginning and coffee at the end. Especially when it concerns mystery guests :) Another 2 points lost…
  • And last but not least: I don’t say to English and American guests that my fabulous service is “included” when they tip me very, very well. It’s written in all the travel guides, isn’t it? isn’t it?

But I hope all the other things and sides of me are not that bad….

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You know you’re a crazy waiter when… (part 1)

Dinner

  • you’re dreaming about tables, reservations, walkouts, and tips (see here for an explanation)
  • you can explain the buffet or take an order in six languages, but can’t chat about the weather in those languages
  • you’re looking to the other side of the table when you place your plate (used to synchronized serving)
  • you’re checking all those restaurantweblogs before you’re going to sleep at 4.00 am
  • you’re roommate is piling the plates (“much faster”) but you’re really gone much faster with the normal technique
  • you’re reading the mentality of people on the way they deal with servicepersonel – not only crazy waiters do, even CEO’s do ;)
  • you’re making the tables in the Harrods, LaFayette or other shops perfect and put the spoons in the right way
  • you have always your wineopener with you
  • you know all the restaurants of the country with one, two or three michelinstars by heart
  • you’re asking quickly a bottle of water when the others at the table want to ask for tapwater
  • you’re paying the bill of the restaurant with your creditcard (because you hate when they pay seperatly), your friends are amazed that you count their money that quickly and you wait for ages before the others without money pay you back
  • you’re putting secretly 10 euros in the checkfolder before leaving – because the other people on the table tip badly

(part two here)

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