Falling out..

Everybody has and knows colleagues who are not that handy with plates, trays and themselves as you are. Once a fellow waiter dropped his tray fully loaded while walking from the beginning to the buffet till the end. We could throw away everything because everything was spoiled with shards. But even that wasn’t that dramatic as this poor girl 🙂

I don’t know if it’s real or not. I don’t hope so for her

Synchronized serving for a wow!

People like when things go synchronized. See a ballet, military parade or a streetdance and it’s great when everything goes at the same moment. Also setting (and clearing) the plates on the table has a high wow!-factor.

Somebody searched for synchronized service plate waiter and ended on this site, finding… nothing. Until now, because I have translated a little instruction video I’ve made some time ago. Here we go!

Warning! Don’t do this at home! Soon you’ll look at the other end of the table waiting for a sign to put your plate down, even at home 😉 The ultimate sign of being a Crazy Waiter!

Can I have a jug of water? NO!

Now I’m going to share you my frustration of the day: guests who are eating in your restaurant and when you’re ready to take the drink orders (all the food is on a buffet in ‘my’ restaurant) the *only* thing they are asking is a jug of tapwater. No wine, no sodas, not a bottle of water but only a jug of tapwater. Aarrghh!!! I hate this phrase! Sometimes I feel my eyes rolling and my chest moving of stress and in my mind are always some horrible scenarios uprising I’ll never do with the water but really want to do. (Use your fantasy ;)) Sometimes it has to be visible to the clients but it’s just a reflex, can do nothing about it.

My micros and later the bill shows CARAF D’EAU EUR 0.00 and that hurts because I have to polish the glasses, I have to walk to the bar and back, I have to smile and I have to pour the water in the glasses.. all for nothing! I know, they pay a lot for the food, tapwater is better for the environment and the water quality is average to good (I’m used to Dutch water which is far better than in the place where I live and work, especially in summertime) but it still drives me nuts working for nothing. (read: earning nothing for the boss – yes, I do care about his earnings)

Maybe I shouldn’t put ice in it (the cold masks the bad taste) or ask the clients “you’re really sure you want to take this?” with a face like they are going to be very sick. But I’m afraid it won’t help and hey, it’s just my job. I have to deal with it, frustration or not. And tomorrow it will be:”Can I have a jug of water”? “Yes, of course sir”. But you’ll know better 🙂


Last week there was a five year old boy with a Nike t-shirt with the Swoosh!-text in our restaurant. I say the word and make an swoosh-like-armmovement at the same time. The boy runs back to his table and my colleague heard him saying to his mother:”He’s too funny!!” “Who you’re talking about, I don’t see any character?” “No no, mamma, the waiter”. LOLLLL…

Happy 2010 to all the fellow Crazy Waiters! May it be a year full of happiness, love, friendship and delighted guests!

Hablamos espagnol! (part 1)

Spanish people and especially their kids are Crazy Waiter’s Heaven. They are very open for interaction and very lively. But a condition is that you have to speak a bit Spanish. You don’t need a lot knowledge because we’re born improvisers of course 🙂

This video is made of the guest point of view, but it’s a good video to start with. Later I will post my standard phrases…


Creating memories

Commodities are fungible, goods tangible, services intangible, and experiences are memorable

The main principle is that experiences are personal and individualized

This quote from The Experience Economy gives exact what it’s all about! We as crazy waiters want to give the client something they remember by doing that what the table wants (or doesn’t want). Of course it’s not about us but we definitely make part of it.

I serve a lot of young families. One I realized that life, time and statistics will do there work. In ten years 30% of the parents may be divorced. 10% of the families have to deal with serious illnesses. Every family will have his problems and cicatrices. But hopefully that unforgettable holiday will always be remembered with those amazing evenings in the hotelrestaurant. We are part of it. And we can make it or break it!

The article is a must-read! (via marcomboekrecensies.com in Dutch).

Photo: A Smile With Every Meal by Andrew Stawarz / CC BY-ND 2.0

Make up yourself… for more tips

We waiters knew it already, but know it has been proved scientifically: waitress with makeup receive more tips and the amount is higher, but only from male clients. They have done the research with 247 guests (186 males and 98 females). They have been served by two waitresses. One day they used make up and another day they didn’t . Follow the link to read the exact method and results. The percentage of customers who gave tips increases when the waitress had makeup. (by the male as female guests, but only the increase by male clients seems to be significant. I have to check it out with some people more clever than this crazy waiter…) Also the amount increases (given by male guests). Read the whole research here.

So we conclude in the words of the researchers:

These results have some practical implication for females employees in bar or restaurant. They confirm the effect of servers’ physical attractiveness on the amount of tips earned especially for waitresses. It would be interesting for women’s restaurant employees to use facial makeup to enhance their physical attractiveness and then, in return, to enhance their incomes especially in bars or restaurant where men used to go.

So ladies: now you know what you have to do girls tomorrow!

The secret pleasure of Four Seasons

Every waiter knows the secret pleasure of a waiter: hearing something that is not meant for you and taking action on it. Once on a hot day I heard a guest on 3 meters distant saying to a friend “Oh, I would die for a glass of water'”. Several seconds later I stood there with it. The water had cost € 1,50 but her face expression was priceless! (and of course you pretend not to see that reaction;))

Four Seasons, a hotel chain with luxury hotels (in Paris they have the fabulous George V) is also listening to her guests even while they’re not really talking to them. On TwitterA guy complained that the music in his room was very dull. I’m sure his face would be priceless when he came back to his room where the housekeeping left a bottle of wine and a kind letter with a list of all the radiostations attached.

Keep the secret pleasure alive! (and enjoy it….)

How to make a… Margarita

Today I had to make a Margarita cocktail and I have to admit that I didn’t know how to do it. (I said to my colleagues “I’m a stupid crazy waiter, not a smart barman” – but this is nonsense of course I really believe you should have knowledge of everything).

I’m glad to make you part of my learningprocesses so here we go! I use the IBA Standard here found at the Wikipediapage of the cocktail, but there are a lot of variations ofcourse!

The ingredients

Rub the rim of the glass with the lime slice to make the salt stick to it. Shake the other ingredients with ice, then carefully pour into the glass (taking care not to dislodge any salt). Garnish and serve over ice.

Foto: Akke Monasso, CC BY SA3.0

Handpuppets… without puppets

Hans Teeuwen is a Dutch humorist. Although not my kind of humour, this video (in Dutch, sorry) is funny. And there is some cursing in it, so be warned!

In this video you can see how you can play with no (or little) attributes. I did it once (but I didn’t scream and certainly didn’t name world’s oldest profession!) and everything was laughing.

Click here for more information and links about handpuppets

Kimberly does, but Cheryl doesn’t

This is a nice game to annoy your guests in a funny way. It took a while for me to understand it. Say loud, slowly and well articulating:

“Kimberly does, but Cheryl doesn’t. Mamma does, but daddy doesn’t. Your Mouth does, but your tongue doesn’t”.

You got the difference?

[spoiler name=”<-- Click here for the solution"]With the first words the lips are touching each other while you're not closing your mouth with the second. Most of times it takes a while before people start to understand the trick, especially when you're using a lot of living things like persons and animals because they're looking for charisterics of them instaed focussing on the words.[/spoiler]

P.S. Both ladies have climbed the Kilimanjaro for Comic Relief and thus raised (with 7 others celebrities) an amazing 3,4 million pound!

Restaurant City

Yesterday I discovered a new game at Facebook: Restaurant City. It’s a Crazy Waiters heaven! You can start you own restaurant and have your friends as co-workers!  There’s even a big forum and a weblog about how to play (and win) the game! There are a lot of (realistic) parameters. You can trade ingredients, have to decorate your restaurant,have to nourriture your employees (hope the food is better than the food I have eaten in my hospitalitylife) etc. Have fun and don’t forget to visit the CrazyWaiter.com-restaurant 🙂

Yes and..

A very famous improv comedy game is ‘Yes and…’. The first person gives a statement and the second adds something with ‘Yes and..’ Then it’s the turn to the first person and so on. It will be clear by seeing this fragment with kids who plan a party.

To be honest, I don’t know if I can really use it in the restaurant. Maybe when there’s a lot of time and with very open kids. I might try it by starting myself saying ‘Yes and..’ when a child tells a story and maybe the kid will pick it up.

I want to have you…

Lessson French number one: You have to know that “I want to see you” (Je veux te voir) in French sounds almost like “I want to have you”. (Je veux t’avoir).

I have a very nice and cute looking female teamleader and I needed a void because I made a mistake (even I do ;)), so I asked ‘Je veux te voir‘. With lesson 1 above and a terrible accent (even worse than the video below) in mind you’ll guess what everybody understood:’je veux t’avoir‘. This caused a big hilarity of course 🙂 and the worst part was at that moment that a guest was standing by. But an image of my lovely teamleader would be priceless!

But the same guest asks me some moments later whether I have kids. “No, I’m still searching for a lovely princess.” The guest very adrem:”Apparently you found her”. Mmm… didn’t I work at a place where dreams become reality? 🙂

I can speak French, nevertheless I don’t mind letting the funky music sticking our bodies :p