I worked a lot as freelance waiter for events, so the next list is very recognizable!

I'm an event manager so...

• I have unlimited resources at my disposal.
• I always keep at least 10 meeting rooms under my desk.
• I can make any of my rooms larger or smaller, depending on your program needs. I will naturally remove any supporting pillars from your meeting space and will install windows in every room as needed. Unfortunately the 'ocean view' is not scheduled to arrive until Day Two of the program for which I sincerely apologise; however, I will move the convention centre two feet to the left to accommodate your request by the end of Day One, although I realize the event is only next week.
• I can only throw myself on your mercy and grovel at your feet; I completely agree that it is inconceivable that we should have any other groups booked into the hotel during our event. And the additional breakout rooms you asked for this morning for tomorrow's conference will be added to the hotel by the end of today.
• Naturally it will be no problem to turn the plenary session for 200 (classroom style) into a hollow square for 300 with rear screen projection, simultaneous Japanese translation and satellite hook-up during the 15-minute coffee break.
• Unfortunately, due to space constraints, and the fact that the final program bears no resemblance whatsoever to the initial program that we contracted the space under, I'll have to suspend the lunch buffet from the ceiling above the plenary session, then suck the gravity out of the ballroom - not a problem. I've located the boxes that the sponsors sent last month under their mother's maiden name to the other hotel down the street, and again I apologise for not having found them sooner.
• In answer to all your questions, it is of course, understood that I am telepathically aware of all your speakers needs and I'll set up an overhead, LCD panel, dual slide projectors, two screens, laser pointer, podium microphones, two table top microphones, podium knock-out switch, timer and blue M&Ms in each room, which I've negotiated at no extra charge, just in case they are needed.
• Additionally it goes without saying that an A/V technician, engineer, baby-sitter and I will be underneath your head table for the duration of your event, in case you need anything else.
• It has been great working with you on this event and every other just like it and I can't wait for the next one !

(Image by Chemical Heritage Foundation / CC BY NC ND)

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